A kook is many things.
But above all a kook is one who is not properly educated in the rules of surf. Or worse, a kook is one who knows better, yet violates the rules anyway.
Straightforward as this may seem, confusion nevertheless reins when distinguishing kooks vs. non-kooks.
The confusion stems from the omnipresence of surf snobs. Because a surf snob falsely accuses others of kookery.
But let’s put a pin in the surf snobs, and focus on what a kook really is.
What is a kook?
A kook is the surf equivalent of what snowboarders or skaters call a “poser.” Kooks have an overinflated idea of their abilities and a lack of knowledge about or concern for surf etiquette.
The best version of a kook is somebody who makes a fool of themselves pretending they know what they’re doing. The worst version is somebody who ruins other surfer’s fun or puts other people in danger with their actions.
Beginners aren’t necessarily kooks. As Barefoot Surf Tutorials explains:
“Surfers can be kooks at different skill levels because they have an exaggerated idea of their skill level. An intermediate surfer who surfs an expert spot on a huge day with the wrong equipment will be rapidly recognized as a kook in the water.”
The spectrum of kookiness
If you surf, you’re going to make mistakes. Maybe you forget your board is in the car on a hot day and it delaminates (guilty). Maybe you forget your fins. Maybe it’s super crowded and you accidentally drop in on someone.
This is kooky behavior, and you may rightfully be called a kook. Because at that moment, you are a kook. But as long as you realize and acknowledge your mistake, your kookery ceases.
To paraphrase the great Vince Lombardi, it’s not whether you do something kooky, it’s whether you get up that matters.
The behaviors of a kook, or how to spot one
Kooks do the following:
- Ditch their board when it’s not absolutely necessary and presents a danger to others.
- Paddle out at breaks that are well beyond their skill and/or fitness level.
- Drop in on or snake other surfers.
- Fail to wait their turn, or take their turn when it’s time.
- Get in the way of other surfers that are paddling for or surfing a wave.
- Name secret or not well-known surf spots, though it is rare that a kook will know where one of these spots is.
- Wear gear that is not properly suited to the conditions; for example 5mm gloves in water temps above 60 degrees. (See image below)
- Wear gear incorrectly; for example a backwards wetsuit.
- Allow their leash to drag on the ground behind their board.
- Leave trash on the beach.
- Purchase top-of-the-line equipment with bottom-of-the-line skills.
- Misplace their traction pads.
- Paddle for every wave.
- Sit out deep on a massive board and take every wave.
- Paddle with both arms simultaneously
- Tell tall tales of surfing massive waves, blowing buckets of spray, and making spitting barrels.
- Draw attention to themselves with loud noises, loudly colored apparel, etc. As Laird Hamilton says in this very kooky GQ article, “If you’re going to wear neon pink, you’d better be a hell of a surfer.”
The Surf Snob: The Kook Who Calls the Kettle Black
Snobbery is the antithesis of surfing, The Sport of Kings. Which makes the Surf Snob an interesting variation of the kook.
These kooks falsely accuse others of kookery, thus revealing themselves as a kook. This article by Surfer Today called, “How to spot a kook in surfing?” provides a case in point.
They are the surf snob falsely accusing others of kookery.
First is the feature image for their article, which appears to be a female surfer wiping out. Strike one—this suggests wiping out is kooky. It is not, except in some contexts.
Second is the snobbery they demonstrate in their “most comprehensive list” of kook actions and behaviors. Here’s one behavior they claim is kookery with their noses firmly upturned: “Catching whitewater rollers.”
Catching whitewater rollers is what you do when you’re learning to surf. Kookery would be skipping this step and paddling out the back before you’re ready.
Another one: “Paddling for a closeout wave.”
You certainly don’t want to make a habit of paddling for closeout waves. But doing so is not grounds for the kookery accusation. You wouldn’t call Griffin Colapinto a kook for packing this closeout would you?
The line between barrel of your life and closeout can be a matter of centimeters. And if you don’t go, you’ll never know.
Surfer Today’s claim is the height of kookery. Though they make some decent points otherwise.
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